Christmas 2008

Christmas has been really good this year! David and I had decided to stay home for the holidays this year but then we found out that his niece (the only niece/granddaughter on his side of the family) would be in Denver for Christmas. So David's parents' present to us this year was flying us out there, as I refuse to drive that way anymore because of the snow and ice (I know I'm a whimp-that's okay). =) I was a little worried about how things would go because for some reason I have had a hard time with Becca (David's sister) having a living child and I don't. While there I finally figured it out and was able to get over it and enjoy my time there! I know it was absolutely childish and stupid but I think that competition is something that we all have to deal with and thankfully I was able to deal with before it affected anyone there. David and I enjoyed a couple of days just us and his parents and one brother before the crowd arrived and it was very relaxing. David's family has the philosophy of when you are with family like this it is: "late nights-early mornings" so the last two nights we were there David and I got about 4-5 hours of sleep each night. So to say the least by the time we got home we were exhausted and are still trying to catch up on our sleep. All in all it was a good trip. David got to go to a Nuggets game with a couple of his brothers and nephews. I got an all girls day out with my m-i-l, two s-i-l, and my niece (who I got to hold ALOT) =) We went for pedicures, shopping and out for soup, salad and breadsticks at Olive Garden. I am glad that we got to go and actually got all of the family together. I am looking forward to my time in Kansas at the end of this month (actually the third week) for more fun with family.

Friendships

I have been thinking about the many different friends that I have and our different personalities that make our friendship special. You don't ever stop learning and growing as you get older you just learn how to deal with people and life a little better each day and it is those different friends that help you get through it.
Esther-we are always giving each other a hard time about her being the wild child and I always like things to be organized but it is our differences that make our friendship so fun. God put us together to work here and it has been funny to watch how we even each other out wither it is dealing with things at church or just talking as friends just to bounce ideas and thoughts off the other. Some times I get irritated with things that we disagree on or that we do different but I am glad that there isn't a bunch of me or a bunch of Esther's in this world but that we are each unique in who we are. So I am thankful for my "wild child" friend-for her friendship and Opions =) {also for my beautiful niece and nephew =) and her love for my son.. }
Alyssa- We have been through so much!! It was so much fun watching my brother date a girl from Texas- when they got married I was excited but I knew there would be alot to be dealt with and for a while it got rough but I can honestly say I have one of the best sister-in-laws in the world. Our friendship has grown so much and it has been nice to have someone to talk to who understands a different side of the problem... =) We have had so much fun comparing ideas and call each other just to cry. I am proud of the woman my sister has become and her growth in the Lord. I am proud to have her as "My Sister".
Lawana-I seem to get these women who have the decorating style that I like but because of who I am, I prefer in my house that it be different but I still like theirs! (hope that made sense)Lawana has been like a mom to me and has told David and I that if she could replace her kids with us-she would love to! =) She has been through alot of what I have and understands alot of it. I think that I am helping her get through some of the pain that she hasn't let herself take the time to deal with. I'm not sure if there is something specific just the friendship that means alot to me.
My MOM-Everything... I couldn't begin to tell it all but I hope she knows how much I Love her and appreciate everything she has done for me and has talked me through.
My Best Friend-My Husband- once again-can't go into every detail, not enough room but he is my ever present companion and friend. The Lord outdid himself putting us together despite all those who didn't want us together or thought we wouldn't last. I couldn't imagine my life with out him.
As Christmas approaches I am thankful for all the friendships that I have made over the years. Each and every one of them reminds me of the true meaning of Christmas and the ever giving gift of love and time.

Finances are a pain in the behind...

I feel like talking but I don't want to actually talk =) This is the part of the holidays and well... life that I don't like-finances. It seems like just about the time you start to get ahead or finally get to the point you can start getting ahead something comes along and wipes it all out. It doesn't help that the prices of everything has gone up!! I have been working like crazy but it doesn't seem to help!! Today David told me that the money that he gets from my check is covering for the hike in the price of living-so we aren't getting ahead at all!!! =( It is so frustrating living like this!! I get tired of it! We are working ourselves like crazy and can't get ahead! We don't go out to eat like we used to and I am working a job right along with David. He has been putting in more hours than required because of me working plus all the normal things that we did before I got a job. I honestly think we need a huge vacation but once again it takes money... Welcome to the real life I guess huh?
On the other hand- I have had the opportunity to talk about Keagen to some people lately and it never ceases to amaze me how God has used his life to bless others. I talked to a lady a couple of days ago-her niece just lost a baby after going full term. It has been extremely difficult for her. Even more than that she has the same doctor I do here in town and tonight my doctor told me that she hasn't gotten to the crying stage of grief yet. I have given her aunt my number and my doctor is going to tell her she can talk to me if she needs to. Lord willing I will be able to turn my grief into a help for someone else. My doctor told me that she is amazed at how strong I have been. I don't feel strong at all. In fact I feel extremely small and insecure. I want to help people though because I understand how it feels to have people try to tell you how to grieve and there is absolutely no certain"way" to grieve-you have to do it in your own way. I understand what it feels like wanting someone to just shut-up and listen to you cry it out and not say a word at all. If I could be that for someone else I think it would make my grief seem that much less. When you reach out to others and care about other people it make you feel better about yourself. Pure selfish reasons =) j/k-maybe =)
This weekend is so crazy and insane!! Tomorrow I have to go to the bank, have an appointment, have to take Bambi to get her nails cut and give her a bath, then we have a Christmas lunch with friends. After that we have to come home and get ready for the teen Christmas party. Saturday- visiting, ladies meeting and jr. church Christmas party, and more visiting. Sunday is always busy and I am hoping that more people will be there just because it is the service before Christmas. Anywho I probably won't blog again before Christmas-so Merry Christmas to All!!

Update and a Story

This is an update on how things are going with David & I. It has been really crazy around here! As many of you know I have been subbing at the elementary schools, I wasn't sure when I signed up to take the class and to start subbing how much I would work. I had several teachers tell me that if you are a good sub than they will work you every day if you'll let them. I didn't believe them but it has been true (not that I'm a good sub-I'm still learning) but I have been working at least three days a week! It has been a major learning experience for me. The other day I was finishing up a four day stretch with one class & the kids were lining up to leave for p.e. (there were 22 kids & four of them were special ed) one of the S.E. kids had a pen & the other kids kept telling me that it was Ms. Cleary's pen. So I asked him to give it to me (he had a habit of taking things) but he said no & kept it in his pocket. I tried to taked it from him but he kept saying it was his & that his mom had given it to him. Finally I got it from him & told him that I would keep it until the next day. If it was his then his mom could send a note & Ms. Cleary would give it back to him. So he threw a fit & I had to end up sending the kids on & then go to the office for "back-up" (someone else to be there to witness trying to deal with him...). Mr. Hopkins the principal came back with me & took him to the office- All the while he is still crying but I didn't know what else to do?!?! Finally Mr. Hopkins sends him to p.e. with everyone else since it was time to leave anyways. So I walked him over to the gym & because I don't have a key for the outside doors I had to walk all the way around. By the time I got back to my class room the kids were on the bus & Mr. Hopkins was looking for me. He had talked to the dad & the dad said that yes that was his pen. Over the weekend he had seen a movie that made him think that if you have a pen in your pocket it means you are a genius soo... The next morning I went to tell the class they needed to apologize to him. I was going to apologize also so the kids would know that I was wrong too. When I went in to see them he wasn't there- so I explained things to the class & told them that when they saw him they needed to apologize to him. I finally saw him today in Walmart and I finally got to apologize to him! He said he forgave me... I feel better! =)
On another note...Thursday David and I went to Cruces for my six month appoinment with Dr. Wash (the doctor that I took chemo under). Everything looks really good. My CT Scan that I had in October looked good- she said if anything would have grown back or if there was a new growth it would have been visible by now. So she has ordered that I still have my HcG levels checked once every three months for the next year. After my last chemo treatment in June we were told that we had to wait till at least June of next year to start trying again, and in some ways I have been cleared by both doctors but I want it to be God's timing-I don't wish for any pressure. Last night as I lay in bed I wanted to get excited knowing that I could have only six more months left but then of course my mind started working overtime and I ended up being scared instead of excited and was reminded that we are not ready yet. When we are ready then God will let us know and will give us the peace of mind that we need to start trying again. I am thankful for all of the support but I don't want alot of "Are you pregnant yet?" "Have you started trying?" I'm not the only one that is still healing from Keagen and the miscarriage. For some reason this year the holidays are hitting alot harder than last year-I think we were still pretty numb last year. I am thankful for God's timing. Sorry this is so long but I haven't blogged for a while so I guess I'm making up for it =) Thanks for reading-let me know what you think!