Struggling...

This is one of the words to descibe how I am doing lately. I have been trying to be upbeat and I keep telling myself that your attitude is a choice. You can choose to be happy or upset. I don't know what to do anymore-I am tired of trying. Life hasn't slowed down it has just gotten more insane and I am so tired of dealing with people!!!! If I only got to be around my husband and my teen girls I would be happy but I have to deal with all these stinkin' adults who don't know how to be honest, control their emotions, or how to just be grown adults!!!! I am tired of feeling like I have to be someone I'm not, that I am never good enough, and that I don't have any true friends where I live!!! To be honest, there are days I can see David and I staying in this town for the rest of our lives and other days-I just want to pack up and leave. I know, I know, it is what we do for Christ that counts and he is the only one that we should be concerned with but why do people have to be idiots! I am so tired of being alone. I am tired of not having a friend that I can be me with. I am tired of constantly feeling like I have to watch what I say and do. I am tired of not being around my family. I am tired of feeling like a second rate person. I am tired of hurting................................................................
I miss my son. I am scared of the future. I know that God is All-Powerfull. I Love My Husband. I am thankful for my salvation. I am tired of the pressure. I am struggling........

Today..

Today has been a pretty good day! =) I went to work this morning and because it was a half day for the kids I got to leave at 11:00! Then I went to pick up Nikki and Nina (two girls in our youth group) after school (12:00) and we went back to the church so they could practice a special that we have been trying to work on for a while now! David and I got to take them out for lunch and then they went with me to visit another girl (who really has only come two or three times to church but has been talking about going to camp) to see if she would be interested in starting to come on Sunday nights. It was good to see their willingness to go with me even though we didn't get to visit her (tried both houses and her mom's cell but just couldn't get a hold of her) =( It was fun and they are both talking about inviting other girls to go to camp!!! I can't wait to see how big our group might get this year! God is Good =)

Life...Camp, Parking Lot Sale, and the Craziness Conintues =)

I know I always say that things are extremely crazy around here but it always is!!!! I feel like we haven't slowed down in over a month! We are gearing up for camp and to be honest I am kind of nervous! Last year I had an awesome group of girls and really didn't have to worry about any of them. This year I have three, possibly four new girls going and our youth group is totally different from the group last year. Our youth group has completely change twice in the three years that we have been here. You know-you lose some, you gain new ones and of course little things happen. I want to be a good example to these girls and I want them to be excited about going to camp, meeting new friends and most importantly draw closer to God and possibly make life changing descions. Also to be honest I am a little nervous because it will be the first time that our Pastor and his family will go with us and I really want them to like the camp and see that David and I are trying our hardest to reach these teens and help them grow spiritually and that although we may make mistakes we are still trying our best. The other things that are coming up in our life right now is: school is ending so I am having a girls evening at our house and I really want them to get to know each other and have fun; our parking lot sale is coming up and I really want it to go great! We need the money and the support of the church and community for our teens. AND of course camp!!! It is in four weeks!! I have always loved camp and have started praying for the speakers, the trip, the workers (my mom included) =) and of course our group. If there is one thing that I have ahd to learn over the last couple of weeks is to finally turn things over to God cuase it doesn't do me any good to get worked up and try to figure things out on my own when God has a plan and it is WAY better than anything I could ever come up with! So anywho I had better get off of here-it is turning into a book! =)

One Month...

David and I have one month till I reach the one year mark of my last chemo treatment!! To say the least-God Is Good! My S-I-L sent me a book and it is a prayer journal for pregnancy and it starts two weeks before conception. I love it! I even made David listen to me read the first week to him =) I am determined to listen to God even more when it comes to this pregnancy! God has led David and I through some rough spots in our life but he has always given us the grace to get through. I told my S-I-L that I feel like a first time mom again when I think about getting pregnant again. I don't want to be niave but I believe in my heart that this next pregnancy will be much different than the first two. I am still contemplating wither to tell people right away or not because I want to make sure that everything is okay with the baby first but I also don't want people to get offended if I blow them off for the first month or so. I think about that prayer journal alot and I want to make sure that I pray hard for this pregnancy, that I stay in tune to God and his will for our lives. Thankfully he is all-powerful and knows what we can and can not handle.