August...

August... School starts the 18th, we leave the 9th or 10th for Denver for Luke's (David's B-I-L) ordination, (David is serving on the ordination counsel! I am so proud of him!) =) and of course the other things we do as a part of our position with the church. Can't say that this next month will be extremely busy but I'm not sure that it(life) will ever slow down. I am ready for school to start. I am ready to feel like I am a part of the community again. I love subbing! I have been thankful for the summer and all that we have done and the time I have gotten to be at home but I am ready to go back to work. Things have been tough without the extra income. David and I have talked about me getting a full-time job, or David getting a second job cause things have been so tight. I don't want to have to get a full-time job because that would mean that we would have to hold off getting pregnant so that I can get established out in the business world. But I don't want David to have to get a second job either cause then he really will never be home! I am thankful for the job that he has-it allows him to be home at a good time and even if we get called to go help someone or for counseling, or we have games to go he is still home sometime during the day! It could be that he would have a job where he had to work 8 hours a day plus visiting, games, counseling and everything else, but he doesn't, and for that I am thankful! I know the Lord will work out the financial part...
I am extremely excited about going to Denver! We have been saving up for it-oh my word have we been doing good! David and I have cut back on how much we do-we have spent hardly any money this week and both of us have lost some weight because we haven't been going out to restaurants or to the store (you know how when you go to Wal-mart you find something that you shouldn't have but you really want it cause it looks good!?!?!) Anywho... =) We get to be up there almost a week and since we have been saving I get to do a little shopping (not a lot mind you-cause we still have to drive home =} ) but I get to be around family and to be in Denver. We are hoping or at least I am to do some sight seeing along the way but that will depend on wither we leave Sunday or Monday. And..I am hoping that on the way home we get to have lunch with my parents and brother and sister!!! Well I had better get off-this is turning into a book. I haven't really blogger for a while so I have lots of thoughts stored up =) BYE!!!

Tomorrow Part 2

Tomorrow it will be two years since Keagen and my Grandma passed. I'm not sure how to feel about that. I don't know that it really hit me that my grandma had passed until last year. I was still running on shock and grief when we burried Keagen on Thursday (the 26th) and had to drive to Kansas that day to bury my grandma the next day (the 27th)! So I really didn't get to deal with my feelings over losing Grandma. I wasn't really close to her but I know that it was difficult for my family. Whenever I think about Keagen and Grandma I can't help but think about the day they both passed. We had just found a church that was willing to help us out with a place so that we could stop paying for motel rooms (for six people) and we had just gotten settled in (as much as you can) and we were getting ready to head back to the hospital becasue some of the church people had come to visit and we wanted to see Keagen again before we went to evening church service. Right as we were getting ready to load up my Dad gets a call...Grandma (his mom) had just passed. I had tried to make my Dad stay with Pops and Grandma when Keagen was born and everything started to happen but Pops sent him to me. We all knew Grandma's time was limited but it didn't make my descion later that evening any easier. There are times I still feel guilty over my Dad having to lose his mom and his first grandson on the same day but once again God is powerful and has helped my Dad heal in an amazing way.
God is Good All the Time. It is our choice of wither we accept that goodness or not.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is my son's 2nd birthday! It is crazy to think that he is two years old! Wow time has flown. I miss him..... I have had people tell me that they miss him too but I'm not sure how much of that to believe-how many of them have actually been out to his grave since he was buried?!?! They talk like they know my son but really?!?! I am thankful though for those who really do care and who have been out there to his grave. I've only heard of our family doing that btw. It still amazes me how he has touched people's lives and how God has given us the grace to get through it. Just the other day my mom said a lady in Denver stopped her and asked how David and I are doing and told her that she still thinks about us and is still amazed at how we handled it all. We didn't handle it...God did. There are times when I can't think straight because of the hurt, there are times when I feel like screaming, or punching something, or just falling on my knees because I don't have the strength to stand, and yet I am still here-all because of God's grace. I don't care anymore what other people think about what happened with Keagen-I don't care that they think that we should have more kids for their pleasure-I have ONE PERFECT SON and he is all that I need if that is what God wants. I don't care anymore that the got their feelings hurt over the timing of his birth, death and burial. They aren't the ones who lost their son. You would think that after two years the pain, hurt and anger would go away but it doesn't. Don't get me wrong God has been good to us and he gives us the grace that we need to get through every day life but sometimes emotions can rear its ugly head and it all comes flooding back. Sometimes the images and pictures come in and I don't know what to do with them.
My husband is still hurting...........He is my number one priority (besides God) and I know people don't always understand the way we do things but they can cut him a little slack can't they?!?! He has so much on his shoulders. I love him so much.
Thank God for my husband and my beautiful baby boy. Happy Birthday Keagen!!! Your mommy loves you and always will.

Update for July

I'm not sure what to blog about except just to do an update. It is officially July! and it is HOT! My in-laws just left this morning after being here for eight and a half days! It was good to have them here! We got to do alot of things here around town that we don't normally get to do-go out on the boat at the lake (that included-fishing, swimming off the boat and just being out on the water) =) we got to go watch the fireworks at the lake!! (amazing!!!!!!!) and we finally got some yard work done. It has felt like lately that we are so consumed with church that our yard and house have been neglected. I mean I get the laundry done and my house has been much cleaner lately but everything else like the yard hasn't been done yet and we finally got to do that! Bambi finally has a back yard that she can go into and we don't have to worry about the big dogs coming through the fence and getting her! It was just good to have my in-laws here!
Camp went really good! I had four girls saved and one of them surrendered to Full Time Christian Service. There is alot of work yet to be done in teaching them how to love the Lord and what it means to know Him and serve Him but I am excited for the future.
Yes it is July and yes David and I are going to start trying. I fear there are still alot of health problems standing in the way of conception but I also know that the Lord will work them out in due time. For now I am happy that I have my husband and my family.