Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is my son's 2nd birthday! It is crazy to think that he is two years old! Wow time has flown. I miss him..... I have had people tell me that they miss him too but I'm not sure how much of that to believe-how many of them have actually been out to his grave since he was buried?!?! They talk like they know my son but really?!?! I am thankful though for those who really do care and who have been out there to his grave. I've only heard of our family doing that btw. It still amazes me how he has touched people's lives and how God has given us the grace to get through it. Just the other day my mom said a lady in Denver stopped her and asked how David and I are doing and told her that she still thinks about us and is still amazed at how we handled it all. We didn't handle it...God did. There are times when I can't think straight because of the hurt, there are times when I feel like screaming, or punching something, or just falling on my knees because I don't have the strength to stand, and yet I am still here-all because of God's grace. I don't care anymore what other people think about what happened with Keagen-I don't care that they think that we should have more kids for their pleasure-I have ONE PERFECT SON and he is all that I need if that is what God wants. I don't care anymore that the got their feelings hurt over the timing of his birth, death and burial. They aren't the ones who lost their son. You would think that after two years the pain, hurt and anger would go away but it doesn't. Don't get me wrong God has been good to us and he gives us the grace that we need to get through every day life but sometimes emotions can rear its ugly head and it all comes flooding back. Sometimes the images and pictures come in and I don't know what to do with them.
My husband is still hurting...........He is my number one priority (besides God) and I know people don't always understand the way we do things but they can cut him a little slack can't they?!?! He has so much on his shoulders. I love him so much.
Thank God for my husband and my beautiful baby boy. Happy Birthday Keagen!!! Your mommy loves you and always will.