Friday is suppose to be Keagen's First Birthday and some days it's hard to believe it has already been a year. Somedays it is extremely hard and other days life just goes on. Tonight I read a blog from another lady who lost her little girl and it was amazing to know I'm not alone-she wrote about sometimes when she would go out to her duaghter's grave how she wanted to reach down into the dirt and pull her little body out and wrap it in a blanket and just hold her. I have so many mixed feelings on how to feel about this week-friday is his birthday and tuesday is the day of his death-how are you suppose to celebrate his life and then realize his death all in four days? And how do you let other people know what is going on? My friends always have good intentions when talking to me about Keagen but sometimes I have a hard time listening to people who haven't been through what we have been through in the last year. I am ever grateful for the kind words and words of encouragement that people who love us give us. Somedays it feels just like another day other days it feels like the pain is never going to go away and that life will never be normal again. Sometimes I am fine with new mothers or women who are preganant other times it hurts to see their innocency (sp). There are days when that hits me more than anything-the innocence that David and I used to have and to have that taken away hurts. I know God is in control but somedays you just have to wonder how you are ever going to get through life. The blog I read earlier-the lady was so amazing in how she trusted God with everything-David and I have people come up to us all the time and tell us we are amazing but I don't feel it-if it weren't for God and my husband I don't know that I would make it through every day life- my husband is always so strong for me he never lets me see how he is struggling-I know he misses Keagen just as much as I do but I'm glad that he is my husband. I can't imagine going through what we have been through with out him. For anyone that is reading this and are parents-Please enjoy the little everyday things you can do with your kids-if you have a new born baby enjoy getting to hear them cry and being able to hold them. Thanks for "listening" to me babble I have never really told anyone alot of this because I have always felt like I have to be strong for those around me but reading that lady's blog tonight-it made me realize that it doesn't hurt to let other people know how I am feeling and what is going on. God has been good to us and please don't get me wrong I have my days where I struggle but all-in-all I know God is always there and I want him to get the glory out of our son's life.
Thank-you once again for all of your prayers and support!
No comments:
Post a Comment